Saturday, May 29, 2004

Folk Is Not Hippie Music Any More

Here are some interesting Net articles on the connections between "neo-folk", gothic, dark wave and industrial subcultures, and their connections to extreme right-wing. Nazis were known for their interest for pagan mysticism and anything "völkisch". Rock'n'roll is based on black (African-American) musical styles of rhythm'n'blues, blues and jazz; therefore it's not suitable listening for any self-respecting racial bigot. But of course, it would not be justified to claim that being a fan of any musical style or interest in ancient mythologies or paganism would make anyone a fascist sympathizer or racist; just some interesting facts telling something about the dark undercurrents of the culture we're living in.,3605,839755,00.html

The punk-rockers such as Siouxsie Sue and early industrial music-makers such as Throbbing Gristle used the emblems of Nazism purely for their shock value, but the ambivalence there was subsequently lost on some people. The Who's drummer Keith Moon loved to dress in a Nazi uniform, David Bowie is claimed to have given a Nazi salute to his fans (this was during his muddled 70s cocaine period) but probably both of these artists would have been shot or sent to concentration camps in the 1930s and 40s Germany: real totalitarian ideologies do not tolerate any free-thinking, mischievous non-conformists. Which is what these youth subcultures are basically all about. Another paradox of democracy is that you're free to disagree with those very ideas of democracy, equality and tolerance as much as you will and form your own opinion (even as misguided from the point of majority that would be) -- it would not be the case in an actual totalitarian state.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Snap Out Of It

"you never gave life a chance
you've got to give life a chance..."

We programme ourselves as we go on, and perhaps I've been concentrating too much on the negative aspects of my personality. When I say I'm sad, I reinforce my sadness, instead of getting out of it. When I say I feel a bit psychotic, it's easy for me to modify my behaviour to that slightly "crazy" mode, and therefore start to act "strange" (and the notion of strangeness always depends on the outside observer, who may not know all the facts, reasons and motivations behind and leading to the other person's seemingly peculiar behaviour).

Maybe it was time for a bit more positive programming, as hard as it might be under the current circumstances. These days it's difficult to find too many rays of hope, if you keep following closely newspapers and other media: it's like we were living in the age of steel, fire and blood. Every day we hear about more atrocities committed in the holy names of "patriotism" and "religion". We are undergoing a drastic climate change; the glaciers are melting, the ozone layer is getting thinner; all over the world floods, heavy storms and drought, affecting the lives of millions of people; and politicians, following slavishly in the leash of economy and profit-making, unwilling to change anything of it. And what about the globalisation, domestic unemployment, firms kicking out their employees nearly every day in order to just keep their balances right...? Even in such rare case one does not have personal problems in one's own life, it's easy to be a pessimist.

There is a grave danger that this will eventually lead to resignation and cynicism, reinforcing negative programming, but this should be perceived merely as tunnelvision. Because we can make a conscious decision to "snap out of it". And the biggest task at hand there can be is to find out how to "snap".

Wednesday, May 26, 2004


In the Greek mythology Sisyphus was forced to roll a block of stone against a steep hill, which tumbled back down when he reached the top. Then the whole process started again, lasting all eternity. My work with pHinnWeb often feels like that, especially now.

Transferring all this material to, correcting links on HTML documents, checking all of them individually to see that all images linked are working OK, and downloading them from the old site in case they are not (it seems the TAR package
pHinnWeb was transferred in cut off some -- I don't even dare to think how many -- HTML documents and images) -- it feels like a hellish workload. I have made myself a goal that this job should be undertaken during this summer, and working just a couple of hours a day: out of necessity because I have to use public access computers of library and Vuoltsu's Net Café, and because I don't want to burn myself out with this job. I'm already feeling some symptoms of that and being stressed enough. Anyway, I always seem to get depressed at this exact time of year, feeling so alone. When there should be summer in the air, and love, and all that crap, but the weather just remains in the side of low pressure; the sky is cold, gray and monochrome bleak, like oppressive hard steel, and there are no friends around, just no one who would care. And you dwell in your lonely existence, and try not to get crushed underneath it all. -- I guess I'm going slightly mad at the moment, but still have to act like a sane person. I just have to keep together now, stay strong.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Couldn't Put It Better Myself

"Still waiting for my saviour, storms tear me limb from limb;
my fingers feel like seaweed...I'm so far out I'm too far in.
I am a lonely man, my solitude is true,
my eyes have borne stark witness
and now my nights are numbered, too.

I've seen the smiles on dead hands,
the stars shine, but they're not for me.

I prophesy disaster and then I count the cost...
I shine but, shining, dying, I know that I am almost lost."

Van Der Graaf Generator: 'A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers'

Monday, May 24, 2004

Dreams Are All We Have

I can't recall the time, when I first started to question society and its "supposed-to-dos". I only remember always feeling different, and suffering from the fact. Thinking: "What is wrong with me? Why can't I adjust?" Then I realised that perhaps it's not me that's wrong. That I really didn't have much of a choice; that I was only the combined product of my genes, upbringing, environment and so on, and mine were neither the best nor the worst. But instead of just accepting my mediocrity like the rest, I was smart/foolish enough to want more.

There were always secret places for me to go, and those places were inside my mind. I had a rich fantasy world, fed by books, comics, TV, films. Later on those were joined by music. I had a voracious appetite for anything that would take me out of my drab existence of suburbs, school and sedentary life. I think pHinnWeb is a direct reflection of that world of imagination, borne out of my whole lifetime of fantasy; dreams that kept me alive, and still do.

In the process it became more than just escapism. I recognised the fact that my world was not more "unreal" than the one of those struggling their whole lifetimes just to get by and make a living; dreaming the consumer dream of material wealth, status and social acceptance. My own dream only being a private one, not especially shared.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Glitch Bitch

My head is buzzing with a million thoughts wildly collapsing into each other at a breakneck speed, like a chaotic traffic jam amidst the synapses. I'm sorry that I can't now concentrate on your latest CDR that the mailman just brought me, of your latest glitch installments you've put together with your Powerbook, and too bad I can't give you any feedback since all this stuff just sounds the same for me. Perhaps I'm just jaded. You've got the sounds but where are the songs; is this stuff supposed to touch my soul somehow? Your anonymous bedroom existence, just huddling by your computer night after night, dreaming of "making it", as thousands of other hopefuls like you around the world do. I don't want to put you down, but it feels like I'm listening to the same record all over: these experimental-minimal-glitch-ambient-noise cut-up soundscapes, again and again... and every day the mailman will drop another one in from my letterbox. I listen to your CDR once, probably absent-mindedly while reading newspaper and sipping my coffee, and when it's over I'll put my own CDs back to the player: Scott Walker, Nico, Tim Buckley, old blues collections, Parliament, The Who, Elvis, Bowie, Wigwam's "Being", "Nuggets" boxes... I'm sorry -- nothing personal, but if your music just managed to touch me like these can, maybe I could give it a try. Now it's just "listen once -- file away". And boy, my shelves are full of CDRs like that.

A Bizarre Love Triangle

She was an inflatable sex doll.
He was a bike pump.
I was a needle.

Friday, May 21, 2004

The pHoenix and the Archangel

Sometimes I find myself surprised that I'm still alive after all these years. That I haven't topped myself ages ago, in one way or another. The weight of life has sometimes felt too much to bear. I've been through my share of pain and despair. For example, from the 1990s many of my recollections are darkness. How my whole world fell into pieces time after time, and how I had to gather it together again and again from those pieces (details to come later, if at all).

All through this I have felt equally cursed and blessed. I can't explain it in any other way except that I've had some kind of a guardian angel along with me all the time. I've been a wretched person and not worth much oftentimes, but still I have made my way through. That is something not short of a miracle.

And again, I feel that my life has arrived at another turning point. It's hard to decipher or put into simple words. It's one of those times, when you need all your strength and determination; when you have to push ahead but still watch carefully every step you take, like a cat balancing through the tin roof.

The understanding arrives not with a small amount of elaboration, some of which is very painful and wearisome. It is as if the whole soul has to be torn apart in order to become one again: the repeating cycle of demolition and reconstruction. If you can make it without, good for you, but I'm not the one for a clean, straight and bumpless ride. To become complete I have to break into smithereens time and again.

My friends, there's not much you can do for me; it's a journey I have to take all alone.

"When I crossed the river with a heavy blanket roll
I took nobody with me, not a soul."

What pHinnWeb Is All About (And What It's Not)

pHinnWeb is all about coming from dysfunctional families, your first divorce, severe depression -- and how to get over it; being unemployed for years -- and how to get over it
and find your own way. It's about relationships with people; social, personal, private. It's about community. It's about helping each other out without any personal gain from it. pHinnWeb is about one's spiritual growth, as much as cynics may snigger about that. It's about soul. pHinnWeb is about sharing.

pHinnWeb is not about the blind worshipping of DJs and whatever disposable crap trendy
media is trying to brainwash us with. It is not about hype of any sort. It is not about booms or goldrushes. It is not a fly-by-night operation for irresponsible belle de jours with short attention spans. It is not about messing your life up with alcohol and recreational drugs in the names of "hedonism" and "lifestyle". pHinnWeb is not about robots, mechanics, schematics, killer apps or digital gimmicks. pHinnWeb is not about technological speedblindness. pHinnWeb is not about greed for money. pHinnWeb is not about selfishness.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Birdy and Post-Politics

I have to admit I'm an addict for Birdy's Storybook (sorry, Finnish only). It's weird, since many times her furious
feminist manic street preacher antics just irritate me, but I still find a lot of it making sense, with a lot of thought-out opinions and comments, expressed in an honest,
straightforward way. Mostly Birdy's texts concern relationships between males and females and issues of equality; and even though, as said, I often find myself disagreeing about
certain aspects there (for example, I hate her concept of "ATM", Alemman Tason Mies, or
"The Lower Level Man"), I still have found myself being enlightened and mentally refreshed by her texts.

Lately, Birdy has been written
about the Rosa Meriläinen incident too (it seems to be the hottest topic at the moment also among the people I know myself); pointing out how the members of her Green Party have now unfairly turned their backs on her, at the time when she would need most support from her own people, and the obvious opportunism detected there. I don't have anything
to add there, but then, I'm not generally the biggest advocate of the traditional party politics system, which I find in the end to be merely a playground for self-serving opportunists, ambitious egocentric wannabes with narcissistic tendencies and greedy power-hungry bloodsuckers. Am I cynical here? You bet I am; but trying to be a bit more constructive here, I think the time has come for the kind of era of "post-politics", with all power centers located purely to the grassroots level ("power to the people", eh?) instead of the current elitist system of politicians and economists and their vested interests and the military-industrial-entertainment complex ruling over it all... I admit my thinking is still quite naïve and vague, but basically I'm not a theorist, only a pragmatist wishing to be just something like "an educated layman". I'm trying to get something more out of it in the future... If you're not laughing your heads off by now, just stay tuned.

A Way Out

How close to the edge can you get before you fall?

Life is giving you no excuses, and you know know you can't linger in the lukewarm existence of majority. There are few resorts for a person like you, and most of them lead into danger or dead end. Alcoholism, addiction, madness, depravity -- or solitude, boredom, endless waiting for something that might never take place.

You seek for transcendence, a redemption in flesh and blood. And this is so, because our time has lost any faith in God or the existence of soul: physicality is the only discernible fact that we can be aware of (meaning the majority of us, of course).

Therefore the search for ever wilder kicks: sex, mutilation of body, getting adrenaline fix and kicks by any means imaginable. Just too bad this does not work that easily for us introverts, whose only recourse remain thus secret self-abuse, or quiet drinking in a dark corner of a bar as a wallrose/wallpaper, weeping in the pint. JAFO -- Just Another Fucking Observer.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004


I'm an awkward and brusque person; not of the sort that tends to please people by whispering sweet nothings in their ears. A very intense and committed person in what I do; who'd rather act than waste his time in pleasant chit-chat. A person who lives on his nerves and can't pretend pleasant niceties if there seem to be more urgent things at hand. Someone who believes actions are more important that words -- which can merely fail and deceive. This sort of straightforwardness and intensity just unfortunately tend to alienate people from time to time, but they can't understand what it feels like when the whole world is burning underneath your feet.

Lately I've been thinking that it's better, the more I just keep my mouth shut. That's probably the most important lesson for me to learn. Because people seem to mistake me for a very arrogant person -- or adversely, because of my taciturness, they think I'm a weird creep. It's a no-win situation, isn't it?

If I could choose, I'd rather stay alone at home with my records and books. But that choice is not really there for me to make; therefore there is nothing else to do but to seek contact with people the best I can, despite my limited social skills and hermit-like tendencies.

In fact, I'm a split personality: an introvert who desperately wants to be an extrovert. Being a typical Leo, I secretly enjoy being the centre of attention despite my obvious appearance of shyness and reticence. pHinnWeb is nothing but an exercise of one person shamelessly strutting and flaunting his ego.

Th clichéd and pathetic cartoon image of the devil standing on my one shoulder, and the angel on another. "I don't give a fuck about what you think about me or if you hate me" --"Please, accept me, love me". A neglected child seeking attention, by any means necessary...

Monday, May 17, 2004

George Pelecanos

George Pelecanos is a Greek-American writer of detective novels. I got interested in his works, when some reviews compared him
favourably to the God-like James Ellroy, whose "L.A. Quartet" and "Underworld USA" books really blew my mind. So, I got from local library "Nick's Trip" by Pelecanos and two other works of him, and I'm now reading the former, but I really can't yet say anything about it. Probably it's hard for anyone to reach the amazing levels of Ellroy's ferocity,
perversity and genius, but since the last installment to "Underworld USA", tentatively called "The Police Gazette" is promised only for 2005, I have to satisfy my hunger for hard-boiled crime fiction with something else before that. Let's hope Pelecanos will deliver.

The Case of Rosa Meriläinen

The latest political farce in Finland has been the case of MP (Green Party) Rosa Meriläinen. She foolhardily confessed in a magazine interview that she happened to smoke some weed at a party a year or so ago, and subsequently became a target of hypocritical tabloid mania and excessive finger-pointing, also by the members of her own party. The current logic and general level of public discussion being "drugs are bad because they are bad", of course Rosa had to be crucified in the name of law, order and upholding public morals; her also being a Parliamentary Member making it extra-bad.

I have to confess I wasn't previously a big fan of Rosa. I used to think her as just another political wannabe trying desperately ram into the corridors of power. I remember an incident years ago, when she handed out her election flyers, smiling her ever-sweet smile, at a local student union club, to yours truly, and me just furiously tearing those into shreds after she had gone. I just can't stand people who push themselves too much; I only thought Miss Meriläinen was a big nuisance. But what do you know: pushing hard seemed to do its work, and she found herself finally being an MP. Somehow I started to gradually in a funny way to respect her, after getting acquainted with her notorious but frank net diary and her refreshingly non-conformist antics in the venerable Finnish House of Parliament (e.g. wearing a badge saying "Cunt smells good"; in her weblog, she referred to the Parliament’s Administrative Committee as a "dog-poo committee", etc.) But in the formal and stiff world of politics, such behaviour is naturally out of question; as sad as it is, it could be said that Rosa had it coming. The system just does not tolerate loose cannons; being too honest for your own good will only harm you eventually, unless you learn to play along the rules of the game -- become another slick teflon career politician churning out hollow statements to media while giving out of real you as little as possible, while making sure of keeping your hard-earned mandate, and taking care of all vested interests.

Sunday, May 16, 2004


Well, sometimes it seems to me people are just selfish, egotistic, narcissistic and
self-centered; their world revolves around their own navel exclusively, and no one is really interested what anyone else has to say, and unable to see things from anyone else's point of view. I know this is the usual bane of creative people especially, and I can't claim I would be anything better myself. When you have this compulsive passion to create things, you also create your own private world, and it easily gets harder to see outside; other people just become vehicles for your personal goals; they're of use to you or they are not. I could find tons of banal explanations, such as this time just nourishes this sort of narcissism, with its cult of "me me me", but maybe I'll leave analysing the general social psychopathology to people who are smarter than me.

I can't afford to cast first stones here. I know I've got myself a big ego and a lot of personal ambition, and I know I have pissed off people on many occasions, treading on their toes, just because of those personals traits of mine. But I'd like to justify myself by saying that at least I hope what I do would somehow benefit someone else too. It all goes in one big ambiguous package, selfishness and unselfishness. Just one personal goal now: learning to listen to people better.


To clarify a bit here, I heard that Stealth.Net had, after all, decided to continue the existence of at least for 12 months more, but now it seems that I can't do
anything to this site any more, since my old password does not work.
Earlier I've been totally dependent on my one contact person at Stealth.Net, but since
this guy has left the firm (which is the main reason behind this whole moving of site
brouhaha), there's obviously no one I can contact there.

I heard that they are also having some sort of "renovation" there. Which seems to mean they have for some reason now erased all updates by me since the early April, and I have to recover what I can from old e-mails, mailing list archives and so on, to get it all back to the site.

For example, I was already afraid that my interview with Ann Shenton of
Large Number (UK) had been lost forever, but
gladly Marc, her manager guy (or something like that), could salvage it for me, and you'll see it soon again on the site.


I'm now in the process of transferring the whole contents of pHinnWeb site to its new domain, and this whole shit is killing me.

I got news on such a short notice that Stealth.Net, my current host is going to expire, my domain since 2001, so I panicked and first created a new mirror site
( ) for which my heartfelt thanks to Lennart at Bombsquad.Org; then started a new official domain, Now all that remains for me is to move the contents to the new site, but not before I have corrected all the current links, and so on... which means a shitload of work, and hours of extra "fun" for pHinn. Sorry that I'm such a meathead with anything relating to coding and the finesses of Internet technology, but I'm basically a technophobic humanist. Well, nobody's fault but mine. As usually. "That which does not kill me, only makes me stronger." Bwahahahahaa...

pHinnWeb Blog Has Been Created

So, to join the current blogmania, I decided to start my own.
Except a lot of bitter, frustrated and confused personal ramblings
that are not viable for the pHinnWeb mother site or mailing list.